> QUERY /archive/units/URBANMECH ......... MATCH > CLASS light battlemech · 30t · 2675–present > STATUS ubiquitous, cheap, and effective in urban combat

Trash that CAN.

The Urbanmech

Two hexes a turn, and all the time in the world.

// wire

Strana Mechty – Test fight: Urban Mech trashed 17 Timber Wolf’s
Tikonov – Urban Mech kills Liao advance force single handed
Galatea – Mechwarrior challenges another in an Urban Mech and regrets it instantly with his Warhammer taken out
Misery – Urban Mechs fights the 8th Sword of Light to a draw
Tharkad – Steiner Scout Squad avoids Urban Mech by running away

Strana Mechty – Test fight: Urban Mech trashed 17 Timber Wolf’s
Tikonov – Urban Mech kills Liao advance force single handed
Galatea – Mechwarrior challenges another in an Urban Mech and regrets it instantly with his Warhammer taken out
Misery – Urban Mechs fights the 8th Sword of Light to a draw
Tharkad – Steiner Scout Squad avoids Urban Mech by running away

Mass 30t two thirds of it mayhem

Top speed SLOW loses races to cold molasses

Armour 6t near the structural maximum

Main gun AC/10 the workhorse of the wars

Torso 360° and it jumps

Variants 13 11 IS · 2 Clan

◆ Transmission · episode tape The Black Pants Legion

“…as by popular request of the student body we are going to revisit an old and cherished friend just in time for the holidays. My earlier description of this popular platform was certainly succinct, non-serious in tone, and indeed very much limited by the resources I possessed at that time. And thanks to your continued support, I feel I would be remiss, if I did not look back and offer one last take for the sake of history. 🍺 So tonight we deep dive to discuss the glorious nonsense that is the UrbanMech.

The road to the UrbanMech involves the death of two Camerons, the decisions of a third, and ultimately the influence of an Amaris which results in an era marked by distrust, dysfunction, and even limited disarmament.”

— episode synopsis, in Tex's own words

▶ Watch the episode

// executive summary · the verdict

The UM-R60 UrbanMech is not a war machine that is feared, eloquent, nor desired. 🥨 However, it is ubiquitous, cheap, and effective in the role it was designed for: Urban combat. The 30 ton BattleMech is known for being slow, yet, it is surprisingly nimble in the concrete jungle. When coordinated properly, a lance of UrbanMechs are the bane of any assault force or riotous mob.

// service record

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Specifically designed to fulfill the dual roles of urban defense and “pacification,” the jump capability, low profile chassis, and 360° torso rotation enabled an unusual degree of finesse for a BattleMech that could consistently lose races to cold molasses. What the UrbanMech lacks in speed it more than makes up for in armor and armament.

Simply put, nearly two thirds of the ‘Mechs mass is dedicated to mayhem. Six tons of armor, nearly the maximum amount able to be supported by its structure. The workhorse of the succession wars, a class 10 Autocannon. Finalizing the load out is the humble infantry cooker, a single small laser. 🌭

// service record

HISTORICAL BACKGROUND

Manufactured at an economy scale only achievable in the golden age of the Star League, the Orguss Industries’ UrbanMech was distributed not only to coalition forces, but to house militaries, and planetary militias of all stripes. Starting in 2675, this stout chassis would slowly walk off assembly lines on the Terran Hegemony world of Marcus.

As a planet perpetually on the border of empires, it should be no surprise that after 167 years of uninterrupted production, the Orguss facilities on Marcus suddenly turned to rubble due to the slap fights, measured in megatons, of the first and second succession wars.

During those very same dark days, the vast majority of Urbies would be stripped and leveraged for spare parts to continue feeding the perpetual war machine of the inner sphere. Most generals viewed the ‘Mech as useless, most… except Liao. 🍺

The Capellans used the UrbanMech to great effect in its intended role, husbanding their forces appropriately, preserving the often maligned machine, creating one of the most terrifying variants, and ultimately ensuring its legacy by restarting production in the early years of the Jihad. 🥨

// timeline of variants

The Production Line

13 variants · 2675 → 3070 · 395 years of somebody, somewhere, still building this thing

2675

UM-R60

Original baseline model.

2925

UM-R60L

Capellan “so I started blasting” refit. Big Iron, an AC/20; less armor.

2978

UM-R50

Failed no arm proof of (no) concept.

3018

UM-R90

The “SuburbanMech” Federated Suns refit. Bigger engine, PPC and two medium Lasers instead of an autocannon.

3045

UM-R100

Failed SuburbanMech upgrade. Faster, farther jumping, and half a ton more armor. Helm core tech ER PPC.

3050

UM-R63

Capellan upgrade kit. LB 10-x paired with a small pulse laser.

3063

UM-R90

Free Worlds League upgrade kit. DAKKA. Ultra AC/10; small Pulse and small ER laser. Five tons of fancy Ferro-Fibrous armor.

3065

UM-R68

Draconis Combine upgrade kit. Medium Range Missile 30 rack with two tons of ammo.

3066

UM-R70

Federated Suns upgrade kit. MAXIMUM DAKKA. Rotary AC/5; Medium and small ER lasers. Six tons of Ferro-Fibrous armor.

3072

UM-AIV

Extra light engine, Endo Steel structure, Extra light gyro, small cockpit. BIG FUCK OFF MISSILES.

3076

UM-R80

Capellan E-war UrbanMech. Electronic Counter Measures, Target Acquisition Gear, and Active Probe; Snub-nose PPC; Small laser; Small pulse laser; Improved jump jets.

2849

UrbanMech IIC

Clan Coyote Space Magic. Larger engine; Ultra AC/10 with CASE protected ammunition; ER small laser as backup.

3070

UrbanMech IIC 2

Hyper-Assault Gauss refit. Swaps out the autocannon for a HAG/20 and a flamer.

// notable pilots · personnel files

Notable Pilots

File 01

Ringo Peterson

Gambler, UrbanMech Pilot, Pirate, Bank Robber. Won his “Bessie” in a poker game.

File 02

Gordon Stuart

‘ate Kurita, ‘ate Capella, luv Tikonov. Piloted the “Gallant,” a well worn Urbie.

File 03

Paul Wellseley

Grandson of Patricia, fought gallantly to keep St. Ives free. When the Compact was reabsorbed by the Confederation, he dutifully serves Liao, though he disagrees with their acceptance of “collateral damage.”

File 04

Patricia Wellseley

Collector of books and teapots, slayer of Federated Sun invaders. Her after action reports are used as case studies at war colleges as an example of flawless execution of tactics.

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// full credits, links, soundtrack and legal

About Tex Talks Battletech

TEX TALKS BATTLETECH is a fan-based parody/attempt at education for a setting that deserves much love. Battletech, Mechwarrior, and all other material are owned by CGL, Topps, Tornante, PGI, their various subsidiaries, and a million shareholders (though not harmony gold, fuck those guys).

No challenge to their ownership status is being made or intended by the creation of this work. Battletech is owned by the company, but the fanbase is what keeps it alive. Let us hope they forgive us for what fun we have. Tex Talks Battletech is a semi-serious take on Battletech, its setting, lore, and history in an attempt to bring people into one of the greatest franchises ever envisioned and should not in any way represent the official stance of any corporation, conglomerate, megacorp, holding company, or cartel which currently owns the franchise.

TL;DR: this is the opinion of one guy who loves a setting, and is dead-set on bringing it to everyone who cares to hear about it.

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